Suggested song to listen to while reading this “essay” – Eminem – 8 Mile Road
I want to start my essay with a statement; I am not a civic leader. I am not as selfless as I believe a dedicated civic leader needs to be. I don’t think I have the outward personality to be a civic leader. I struggle with outwardly showing empathy even though it exists through the core of my being. I struggle with the virtue of patience when I believe things can change, and they aren’t. In the face of willful dissonance, I struggle to keep a poker face to push through to the other side. I rarely think things will change for the better eventually. Being told “no” when the right answer is “yes” is frustrating to me to the point I usually choose to disengage, or I rage out until someone’s will breaks. These self-perceived traits of “Mannie” have built a pessimistic view of the world around me at its best and an apathetic view of it at its worst.
I’m a proud pessimist. As an entrepreneur, my pessimism has protected me and protected theta. from the emotional toll of starting and growing a business in so many ways I could write a book about it. Failing early, and quite honestly very often, has taught me in my 32 years of life skills that allow me to make decisions quickly; and has provided me with confidence I leverage from those experiences of failure to look much better outwardly than I probably am. My pessimistic view of the world has prepared me for the storms I have endured in 2020 and has been a defensive shield during the challenges I’ve faced in life that I use to maximize my chances at success.
I am not a civic leader.
A civic leader understands civic engagement at its core. A civic leader is much more selfless than I am currently. A civic leader is heedlessly idealistic at their worst and vigilantly optimistic at their best. Civic leaders don’t struggle with embodying their empathy. Civic leaders can build bridges amongst communities; they know how to use their peers’ networks to bring together like-minded people to create social impact. Civic leaders are relentless in their pursuit to help communities works together to make a difference in their lives.
I am not a civic leader… yet?
I stand by my original assertion; I am not a civic leader; I have never seen myself as one. But I do think I share similar skillsets that I believe a good civic leader would have. I just needed to take the time to identify those attributes and map those skillsets out for myself. I think all great civic leaders do these four things in a constant infinite loop: a good civic leader listens, a good civic leader does problem-centered research, a good civic leader creates, and a good civic leader fights.
Listening: As a young entrepreneur responsible for others and their livelihoods, I have gotten very apt at listening to the voices of every one of my work family members and the mentors that patiently guide me (not always in agreeance, to be fair) because I was taught, “a listening ear is not only when it assumes the size of a farmer’s hat.” (an Igbo proverb that essentially translates to the saying “a word is enough to the wise”) Without hearing and understanding the people who will work for me, and more importantly, with me, I feel I would be incapable of being a good “leader” for them. In communities across the world, conversations occur that a good civic leader is good at listening to and understanding those conversations in the spirit they occur and discerning what things can strengthen a community or weaken a community. Empathy can only exist through listening and understanding, so if I can listen to my work family’s voices in context to be a better leader for theta., I should be able to translate that skill for civic leadership, right?
Researching: As an Linux Systems Admin by trade, I spend/spent the majority of my work life researching technical issues and troubleshooting operating systems and web applications to keep them running smoothly (as best as I can, JavaScript doesn’t belong on the back-end, you can’t convince me otherwise either, but that’s a topic for another essay). Technology is constantly changing? I know that; I embrace that; I expect that. However, communities and their needs, and the people in them, change too. Communities can be just as stable or as volatile as an application completely written in JavaScript. (I promise to let up, I am just in a mood) Back on topic, researching with the intent to understand communities and their needs and their pain points is critical to civic leadership. So if I can support sophisticated loan origination systems in the financial tech field or federal healthcare applications where real people can be affected by an outage, I can research to understand the pain points of a community better to support it as a civic “leader,” right?
Creating: As a maturing and learning entrepreneur, with very personal values that I plastered all over theta.’s web presence and a vision of a world where representation occurs cognitively at every level of the digital product development process or the digital services we provide, I understand that I always have to be creating and carving out space for theta.’s presence to be felt and for our mission to be heard. Whether it’s through creating jobs for like-minded and underrepresented perspectives at theta. or by creating opportunities through networking for theta., I am always looking to create angles and lanes for us to be of service to someone’s mission, goal, or cause. I have to create strategic and operational plans that help guide theta.’s focus (actually writing this while taking a break from that, lol) 1 year, five years, and ten years out. A good civic leader is always creating angles and lanes of inclusivity for the causes they believe in and creating ways to inspire people to achieve outcomes that others think are unachievable. As a business owner, I am continually creating to generate more opportunities for my work family. I should be able to do that for the communities I am a part of as a civic “leader,” right?
Fighting: I may or may not be addicted to the feeling of fighting or struggling for something as an underdog. (My therapist and I talk about this from time to time, maybe there might be a grain of truth there) But I am a fighter; no one has ever handed me anything, foolish pride has gotten me far, and I am mature enough to admit foolish pride has also prevented me from going further at times. But the fight – the feeling of overcoming something seemingly impossible – has been a driving force in my life, at theta., in athletics (mostly kickboxing these days), or my relationships (platonic and domestic). I always approach these events in life like it’s a fight against something I shouldn’t have or I don’t deserve, and that chip on my shoulder pushes me through. I plan in detail multiple scenarios that can get me to my goal, and then I fight until it’s achieved. But planning is just that, planning “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” – Mike Tyson. A good fighter creates and sets plans, but they also rely on learned instincts through research and repetition. They listen to their coaches and sparring partners for perspectives and views they can be blind to at the moment. My Muay Thai coaches drilled this into my head in 2014/2015 while getting me ready for my fight(s) at WKA’s, and I took all of that and made it applicable to as many aspects of my life that I could; after my first fight, I started theta. with the confidence of a fighter that did something everyone told me I couldn’t do. A good civic leader is brave and willing to fight for what they believe is right, even when most people, including those you want to help, consider the fight is for naught. Good civic leaders listen, research, and create with the intent to fight for their communities and the things they believe their communities need to thrive. I have fought in so many other aspects of my life, the “fight” has shaped the man I am now, so I can fight for others’ opportunity to shape themselves too, right?
I am not a civic leader… yet.
But I know I am a fighter. I know how to research things to completion. I know I am continually working on being an effective listener. And I know I want to create avenues for people to create their own fortune in earnest. So if those attributes and skills are ones I think of in a good civic leader, then, while I am not a civic leader currently, maybe one day perhaps I can mature into a decent civic leader.
I am not sure where my civic journey will take me; I am pretty sure it will lead me into Public Education of some sort; I just am not sure how yet. I know that STEAM education and access to STEAM education have always been important to me. So, maybe I’ll start there? I believe a great civic leader possesses all the traits in me somewhere; I just need to focus them on something I believe I can be of service to. That’s the type of civic “leader” I will be… one day.
“I can no longer play stupid or be immature, I got every ingredient; all I need is the courage.” – Marshall Mathers (Rabbit/Eminem).
